


Better To Have Someone Walk The Road With You

by Kylia



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Disjointed, F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Sort of a Series of, Vignettes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 16:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylia/pseuds/Kylia
Summary: When Angel promised that he'd visit her in prison, Faith assumed he was lying. Turns out - not so much. Angel was the first guy to ever really surprise her, never give up on her. Is it any wonder, then, that she fell in love with him?





	Better To Have Someone Walk The Road With You

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** The usual - not mine, et cetera.
> 
> I Originally wrote this just under two years ago as a gift fic for my friend Maria on tumblr, as a birthday gift. I was looking through some of my old fics on there and realized I'd never cross-posted this one to tumblr. It's a bit disjointed, somewhat deliberately, somewhat by accident, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, all said and done.
> 
> This was never beta-read, so any and all mistakes are mine.

When Angel first came to visit, a week after she was put into her cell, she was surprised.

Angel had kept his word. When it came to her, guys didn’t keep their word. They didn’t surprise her. They didn’t…

They didn’t care enough to do that kind of thing, to come see her in prison. The Mayor had been the only other guy to care enough about her, only other guy she’d ever had in her life she could imagine doing this.

But the Mayor was dead. And here Angel was, on the other side of the glass.

“So you weren’t kidding about the whole being my sponsor thing then,” Faith said into the phone softly.

“I’m not generally much into kidding, Faith,” Angel pointed out. “I told you I’d come visit, and I will. Redemption’s a hard road. Better to have someone to walk it with you.”

“You didn’t have anyone walking the road with you,” Faith pointed out. “How did you manage it?”

“My… road to redemption, it didn’t start when I got a soul,” Angel said, his voice low enough that Faith only heard it thanks to Slayer hearing. “Takes a choice. Like you made. You’re choosing to be better, by staying here, by turning yourself in. As long as you’re here… I’ll be here to help you.”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re overdramatic sometimes?” Faith offered, feeling the first real smile she’d had in a long time forming on her face.

Angel grimaced a little, “It’s happened before, yeah.”

Angel visited almost every week after that. Sometimes they talked about nothing. Sometimes about prison life. Sometimes they talked about the things Angel and his merry band of do-gooders got up to. When Darla started haunting his dreams, he told her. When he fired his friends, he kept coming to see her, even as he started to go off the rails.

Faith supposed that she should have been… horrified, or some shit like that, the way Angel had locked those lawyers in the room with the vampire. The way he was sliding back, the way he’d… just left them to die. And yet…

She wasn’t.

What he’d done was wrong - and wasn’t it a laugh riot that she of all people was judging someone? But…

If Angel, of all people, could backslide. Could… falter.

Then it meant that imperfect people could find redemption. Really could. Because she hadn’t doubted Angel for a second. He’d screwed up, crossed a line… but he was still on that road to redemption.

Angel was… Angel.

He could screw up. Which meant she could.

Angel hadn’t given up on her, Angel had kept coming. She wasn’t gonna give up on Angel. And she wasn’t going to give up on herself.

Maybe she’d never make it, maybe she would, but she’d keep trying. For Angel.

For herself.

* * *

The three months after Buffy died were hell. Angel had at least told her, before vanishing off to find himself or whatever the fuck he was doing with his grief. Something about a monastery in Tibet. Angel and a buncha monks. Probably his idea of fun.

For three months, she was alone. No one came to visit. She was just left with herself. With her regrets, which ate at her even more now that B was dead.

But it wasn’t B she thought about the most. Oh, she thought about her too, the regrets, the mistakes. All the things she’d done to mess up Buffy’s life, all the times Buffy tried to help her and Faith spat in her face. How there’d never be a chance to make things up to her now.

But she thought even more about Angel. About what he must be going through. How he’d lost the love of his life. That he’d loved Buffy so much… and now she was dead.

She was jealous of Angel, she’d already known that. Jealous of anyone who had B’s love. Even during those visits, that fact had sat in the back of her mind a little.  But she couldn’t stop wishing she could do something, something to help Angel. To help him deal with the grief. SHe hated the idea of him hurting so much.

And she was jealous of Buffy… of Buffy’s dead body. Of the fact that Buffy had had someone who cared that much about her. That Angel had cared so much about her.

She’d come to accept that Angel cared about her too. If by some impossible chance, someone managed to shank her in the yard (not that that was ever fucking gonna happen), she’d come to believe Angel would be upset. That he might just actually come to her funeral, if he could (or at least come to her grave later). But he wouldn’t grieve like that.

No one would grieve for her like that.

* * *

But Angel returned, Buffy came back from the dead, and life went on. Wesley was running things at the team now, and apparently going a good job at it, from what Angel had to say. Angel talked about Cordelia a lot, about how he was training her to fight. About the way he was hanging with her.

Angel might not have noticed, but Faith could tell. Angel was… crushing. Even if Buffy was still alive, her death…

What he’s moved on? And he moved on to Cordy?

Faith didn’t understand that. But she also didn’t understand why that thought pissed her off so goddamn much. Why the idea of Angel’s heart moving towards 'Queen C’ (even if his brain hadn’t caught up with that) bothered her so much. She’d already known B and Angel were doomed before Buffy’s death.

And then… radio silence for a few weeks. She got a letter, explaining the whole dramatic story - Darla, that skank he’d slept with but hadn’t lost his soul on, was back, a vampire pregnant with his kid.

That’s all kind of messed up. But Angel… he’d had kid. Darla staked herself, and Angel had a kid. A kid everyone wanted a piece of.

Angel couldn’t come by. That was the long and short of it. He had to protect his kid. Faith understood that.

A few visits were squeezed in, but… mostly letters, back and forth. Things between him and Cordy finally reached the point where they were lockin’ lips, and then… nothing. Some guy 'Groo’, Came along, took Cordy’s interest and then…

No more letters. No more visits. Nothing. No communication.

She went out of her mind, for a while, worrying. Worrying something was wrong, someone had dusted Angel. But… someone would come and tell her that? Right?

No. Who the fuck would? Do they even know Angel visited me so much?

She used her limited time, access to the prison library computers, to try and find info. Nothing. That didn’t mean much, she knew…

She didn’t even know Angel’s number. She knew he’d moved to some place, Hyperion Hotel, but she didn’t know the number. Never thought to ask. Angel Investigations wasn’t in the phonebook.

She stayed out of her mind. Eventually, she did call. Took a couple tries with the operator to find

something, but eventually she got the right place. Angel Investigations. A girl - Fred, the crazy one from the demon dimension. She picked up…

And the news was worse than Angel’s death. Angel was… gone. Missing. No one knew.

Faith gave up, then. Gave up on Angel comin’ to visit again.

But she didn’t give up on redemption. Angel had started her on this road, she’d started on it because he believed in her. And that belief still mattered.

But she was here for herself too.

* * *

“Angel is gone. Angelus is back.”

It only took a few seconds for Faith to know what she had to do. To know that she was going to do exactly what Wes was asking her to do.

But inside her head, it felt like so much longer.

Horror. Fear. Hope. Angel could come back… he’d been un-Angelused before.

I can’t kill him. She knew Angel. Knew he’d rather die than stay Angelus, hurt more people. But a world without Angel…

Faith couldn’t imagine it. Couldn’t imagine it.

“Angel’s the only one in my life who’s never given up on me.” She told Wes. She wasn’t going to kill him. She couldn’t even imagine fighting Angelus… fighting him. The thought hurt, deep in her gut.

She cared about Angel. And she owed him… everything. She wouldn’t, couldn’t kill him.

* * *

It was in the dreamworld, that Orpheus fueled haze, with life slipping out of her as she babysat Angelus, that she realized it.

She felt like an idiot when she did. When she put it all together, her own feelings, the way she’d been so angry at the idea of Angel and Cordy, the way she’d seen something of herself in the way Wes looked at that Fred chick.

Faith knew she wasn’t good with emotions, hers or anyone else’s. But she caught on eventually.

I finally fall for a guy. Really fall for a guy. And of course it’s when I’m dying. Of course it’s… the most unavailable guy in the world.

She didn’t go with Willow because she had to. She didn’t want to see B again.

Well, she did. But… didn’t. She didn’t know if she wanted to go through all that.

But they needed her help in Sunnydale.

And she needed distance from Angel.

Needed to be away from the guy… from the guy she loved.

From the guy who was… never gonna love her back. Could never love her, someone was damaged and messed up and…

The people he fell for were heroes, champions - Buffy, Cordy. Good people.

Faith was… never gonna be 'good people’. She was better now. She would spend the rest of her life fighting to get better, stay better. But she was never gonna be 'good people’.

* * *

She didn’t see Angel again for nearly two years.

She’d settled in on Cleveland. She’d tried to carry something on with Robin, to forget Angel. It hadn’t worked. She’d let him down, and focused on the baby slayers, running things on the Hellmouth. She heard about Los Angeles, about the fall of Wolfram and Hart. But she’d heard he lived…

And she’d still known he’d never want to be with her.

And then… and then he’d come to her. Come to her in Cleveland. Told her the whole sorry tale. About making a deal for his kid (and how the hell had she forgotten about that? He gave her something to bring the memories back). How he’d run Wolfram and Hart. And how everyone had died, 'cept Spike. Spike and that demon that took over Fred’s body had run off to do their own thing.

Angel had hit rock bottom.

And now…

Now it was her turn to help him. To help him find a purpose again.

For months, they worked the Hellmouth, developing an easy partnership. Her heart hurt every night she went on patrol. Every night she wasn’t with him. Every night she wussed out of telling him.

* * *

In the end…

In the end, Angel, Mr. Emotional Unavailability himself, made the first move.

In the end, Angel kissed her. He was basically drunk, side effects of a spell gone bad. But when he kissed her, even knowing that he was drunk, even knowing he’d regret it tomorrow, maybe even hate her for risking Angelus (not that she’d ever give him perfect happiness…)

She wanted him, some part of him, so much. So bad. She wanted to be with him. She wanted it to be real so bad.

So she’d let him kiss her. Let him come onto her.

They’d gone back to her place and they’d fucked. And fucked. And fucked. Drunk hadn’t left any… problems. And all the whole time he kept whispering 'I love you’ in her ear, or yelling it, or moaning it. And she’d done the same. She’d let herself pretend. She couldn’t sop herself.

The next morning…

She’d thought she was prepared, for the worst. For Angel to break her heart all over again. To yell at her for taking advantage of his state.

But Sober, Angel loved her. Had loved her for a while now.

“I would never have said or done anything, without that curse. I love you, Faith.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kyliafanfiction.tumblr.com


End file.
